13:45L 21 June 2004

Tired today. I managed to wake up and stay up fearful of not falling asleep most of the night. Nice trick huh? I'm not at peace these days. I haven't kept myself up with thoughts of gotta get to sleep, gotta get to sleep in a long time. Today I'm hating work. My office is freezing. It's just one more indicator of how lousy this place is being run. I need to snap out of this rut and get a ton or resumes out tonight. I did accomplish quite a bit around the house this weekend and had some fun too, so maybe I'm just tired but I'm hating life today.

Nature seeks equilibrium. Last night my best friend, my wife and I discussed questions about whether the natural tendency towards equilibrium would someday force middle class americans to live with less, since the competing foreign laborers never had it...or would the increased availability of information and moves towards globalization simply elevate the lifestyles of poorer parts of the world? I fear many americans might be naive.

We also talked about the industrial revolution and how progress of today seems incremental and all about small optomizations. What inventions in the last 30 years have or will radically change how we view the world? Seems like there's a line in fight club about not having any great (external) struggle...

I'm bored and disengaged today at work. That tends to allow horniness to creep in. I remain sexually unfulfilled. I have an opportunity with someone here at work but I have reservations regarding the risks of disease, pregnancy, professional fallout and morality.

I don't really want to post negative crap. I'm struggling a bit with how honest to be here. I know that some things on my blog are intersting to others and I'd like to lure them in...use this blog as a way to meet and interact with others. To get what's missing and of course that sexual element is such a big part. This creates a tendancy to show the best, hide the rest, manipulate my audience. If I do that, this blog and the relationships it creates for me become non-genuine, and there will be barriers to true intimacy and shared understanding.

I'll try to keep it sincere.

in my head: Time by Pink Floyd from Dark Side of the Moon