RE: Mr Shiny shoes

The following is from http://www.20six.co.uk/shinyshoes my comments are in bold and italics. I had several more, but lost them due to computer problem. I'll try to add them back in later

Sexual politics, and the games men play.


After reading ‘The Blank Slate’ by the brilliant Steven Pinker, author of ‘The Language Instinct’ and ‘How The Mind Works’, I was driven to carry out a social experiment on sexual differences between heterosexual men and women that I had been pondering for some time. For background purposes, mankind can no longer be thought of as being born as a ‘tabula rasa’, literally a ‘scraped tablet’. Psychologists in the 1920’s thought that sexual stimulation was the sole cause of sexual appetite, and that we had no ready-made reaction to the opposite sex. As much as we may laugh at that now, psychologists had no idea of the thought of proximate and ultimate causation. When we ask the question ‘Why did they act the way they did?’ with relation to sex, ultimately we have sex to cause reproduction, but proximately we do everything we can in our lives at certain times to prevent reproduction because we want pleasure.



There is some evidence that men are more genetically predisposed to infidelity to women....


I have no doubt that this idea could generate hostility as it has already done so in previous years. Some hostility to the idea that men do have greater sexual urges than women comes from feminism, and woman have undoubtedly suffered from double standards over the centuries based on assumptions about differences between the sexes...


I wanted to see how easy it would be to get a man to want to fuck, commit adultery or cheat on their partners if they had one, and how easy it would be get a woman to consider doing the same things. I wanted to see how many more men would want to consider these actions, compared to a woman. In other words, to see whether this theory holds true. If this is the case, then women are in a very strong position. It follows that if men want to sleep with a large quantity of women, but women want to sleep with a smaller number but higher quality of man, this means that women can be far more choosy in their selection of partners. (And can play games such as seeing if it is possible to spend a whole evening in a bar not buying one drink). I would imagine that the only times when this is not the case is in the case of countries where women’s rights exist only slightly if at all, or where a woman chooses to be a prostitute. As Donald Symons writes ‘among all peoples it is primarily men who court, woo, proposition, seduce, employ love charms and love magic, give gifts in exchange for sex, and use the services of prostitutes.’ In Western society, studies have shown that men seek a greater number of sexual partners than women, and are less picky than in their choice of a short-term partner.

Any time that one wants something and the other is in a position to give or refuse a power gap is produced. I believe women hold virutally total control over sex if a man restricts his desire to mutually pleasurable, consensual sex. How many women do you know that are that are desperate to get some?


You must remember that I am not saying in the slightest that what is in a man’s genes condones their behaviour in any way. We are moral agents, capable of knowing what is right and wrong, and we make decisions based on our moral code every single day. In a simple way, even though we have genetic predispositions, our ability to feel both pleasure and pain physically and emotionally through evolution out of necessity will lead to a natural morality being developed.
I believe I understand his comment about the evolution of a natural, functional morality, but also believe in an absolute God given moraliity


An amoral egoist, which is the opposite of a moral agent, is in an untenable position. If I choose to act in the way which I choose, forgetting what is right and wrong, that is okay for me as long as everyone else chooses to act in a moral way. As soon as everyone else starts to act in the way they want, however, society as an organism breaks down. I can push as many people out of the way as often as I want to achieve an end, but if I have it done to me, I will not like being used as the means to an end. Evolution has endowed us with a nature moral sense, and we have expanded its application through learning the advantages of cooperation with others, having experiences that allow us to feel other people’s pain, and understanding the interchangeability of our interests and others.
I've never understood why athiests aren't more willing to test this theory..


I tried to keep the experiment as close to a ‘control’ as was possible to ensure that no bias could be inferred in the results. What the experiment entailed was to place four advertisements on a website http://london.craigslist.org under the ‘Casual Encounters’ section, part of their personals ads area for casual, sexual encounters, as opposed to anything of a romantic notion. As an aside, you may be wondering why I knew about ‘Craigslist’, and this section in particular, particularly as I am in a relationship with Pip. One of her friends is coming to the UK to work during the summer and I was looking for sites which have spaces to advertise places to rent, and this was one of them. Hence I stumbled across this.



The advertisements were for four characters I had invented, a successful businessman in his late-thirties, bored with his marriage, and looking for a discreet encounter; a successful businesswoman in her early thirties, bored with her marriage, again looking for a discreet encounter; a male lawyer in his early twenties, looking for sexual encounters in the City of London; and a female secretary at a law firm, again looking for sexual encounters in the City of London. There was absolutely no intention on my part for this to become stereotypical of male fantasies, the secretary and older lady being a general staple, however in counterbalancing this, the older successful businessman (Mr Big) and young, up-and-coming lawyer feature fairly regularly in the fantasies of female friends. I did think of writing a fireman or a nurse into the ads but discounted these on the basis of them being too obvious.



It has been suggested by a friend playing devil’s advocate that I am guilty of manipulation in placing the ads on the site, by not actually being the ‘people’ whom I have created. Before this is suggested again, I argue that I am not manipulating anyone in either the most pejorative or the loosest sense of the word. What we generally view manipulation as involves getting people to do things they don’t want to do, through someone having more power over them in a situation, where the person being manipulated suffers from a lack of control in their actions, being directed by an unseen force, and through a loss of free will in carrying out what they are doing. I have not forced anyone to do anything. I will certainly not be replying to any of the e-mails I have received, inviting as they may be. Were I a less ‘moral’ person (We’ll come to defining morals in another entry in the philosophical section at some point – I’m a qualitative utilitarian where qualified consent is gained, if you really want to know), due to some of the e-mail addresses replies have been sent from there would certainly be the potential to blackmail some of the responders. This would then be, unequivocally, manipulation.



In my defence, what these adverts are at their strongest is persuasion, and indeed in my opinion, are simply suggestions. Men and women can respond to these ads through their own free will, write their own replies, and I did not request any specific responses. I did, of course, have certain expectations as to the content. Even with my expectations, I was quite stunned with some of the replies and had to carry out numerous searches on http://www.google.co.uk just to see what some sexual practices entailed. (Just a quick question – do you think Google ever has to advertise? We seem to do all their advertising for them).



The ads read as follows:



I'm a very successful businessman and managing director of a medium sized company with the luck to have all the material trappings I could possibly want. Unfortunately my marriage has become stale as I can't be kept satisfied by my life and so I am looking for something more.
I'm looking for an attractive woman who would like to have a discreet encounter. I'm 37, 5'11", intelligent and cultured, and keep fit through running marathons, playing squash and skiing in Canada where I own a luxury condo.
If you're between the age of 25 and 45, intelligent, fit and sexy, then get in touch. Your picture will get mine sent back to you straight away....



I'm a successful businesswoman, self-employed, with the benefits of working at home and travelling abroad regularly. Unfortunately I am very bored in my marriage.....
I'm looking for a discreet encounter with a man aged between 25 and 45. You will be good looking, fit, articulate, clean, smart, intelligent, sexy and entertaining. What you will get in reply is a 33 year old blonde, blue-eyed, 5'11" woman (in heels), who is fit, elegant, educated, stylish, and sexy.
Your pic gets mine, I await your response.....



Hi there,
24 year old lawyer, working in the city of London. I want some fun in the city in in the office as I'm working a lot of nights at the moment. We have some fantastic sleping pods which are always empty and I've already thought of other places we can try...
I'm 6' tall, tanned, work out regularly and have a great body, a terrific sense of fun and a great knowledge of the naughty. Am looking for a woman who thinks she can handle me. Want to get dirty with me? If you've got a pic, and think you've got what it takes, get in touch......





I'm a 25 year old secretary working in the city, looking for some fun in the office as I can be kept up late here (it's for one of the major city law firms, and we have a few beds around which can be used). I can let people in if I think they are worth it. I have a fantasy I have yet to try, being fucked in the lifts and over my desk late at night. I'll be wearing no panties simply so I can have my skirt hitched up by you and taken where you want to take me.
I'm a brunette, 5'6, slim and busty with a cheeky laugh and smile and looking for some very naughty fun. Can you handle me? If you have a pic and you want to get dirty, then get in touch, no timewasters please....



So, to begin with, a few statistics. These are all responses within 72 hours of the ads first being placed on the website.



The successful businessman:

Number of replies from a single respondent: 0

Number of photos from a single respondent: 0



The successful businesswoman:

Number of replies from a single respondent: 149

Number of photos from a single respondent: 89



The young lawyer:

Number of replies from a single respondent: 1

Number of photos from a single respondent: 0



The young secretary:

Number of replies from a single respondent: 128

Number of photos from a single respondent: 68





Number of respondents replying to both male ads: 1

Number of respondents replying to both female ads: 55

Number of male respondents in total: 332

Number of female respondents in total: 2















So, as we can gather from the adverts there was a far greater response from men interested in a casual fuck with a female than there were women interested in men. Indeed, 10,000% more males than females responded to the adverts. So, yes, men would appear to be far more interested in a casual fuck than females from the data gathered.



Is this really the case? Obviously I have only put these ads on one website and before I go on to the actual responses received, I wondered whether the huge disparity in responses from the sexes could be due to other reasons for example, if more men than women as a percentage of the population used the internet, or if more men than women use the internet to look for casual sexual encounters and women used other means, or whether there were other websites which were more popular for women to place ads for casual sex. According to research garnered from various sources, the balance of users of the Internet tends not to be different between the sexes as such, but is instead split in the largest proportions primarily between the young, the middle classes, professionals and office workers. From what I can gather regarding websites for meetings between the opposite sexes for sexual encounters, searches of google news and google, in the limited time I had, shows that the most popular still tend to have more male ads than female ads, and also that where female ads have been placed a large proportion are requesting additional female partners for threesomes with their partners in a relationship. So, as far as my (eye-opening) research goes, what I have discovered on this site is replicated on the others that I have found to more or less the same degree.



To the actual responses themselves, and this is where the real entertainment value lies. I was very surprised that men are actually so far in thrall to their penises that they do not think of the consequences of sending e-mails with personal information or sexually explicit language from company e-mail addresses. I have received responses from e-mail addresses at publicly listed major corporations such as Aon, one of the world’s largest insurance companies and Abbey (National), the sixth biggest UK bank; from government departments and local government offices, for example Richmond and Runnymede Councils, and most disturbingly of all the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister; from the publishing company Elsevier; from recruitment consultancies and small law firms; from a renowned asset management company, Barings; and others from small to medium sized companies including record labels, private medical insurance companies and digital media companies. We do not have to think far back to find examples of e-mails having done the rounds at companies regarding sexual exploits and the consequent disciplinary action, including dismissals, to serve as a warning. (Remember the guy who sent forwarded an e-mail received from a girl he had had sex with to some of his friends, and her thoughts on how his semen tasted? Within 24 hours it had been received in 1 in 25 in-boxes worldwide). Yet, at the first hint of a potential quick fuck, the logical thought process goes out of the window. The old Robin Williams joke that ‘God gave men a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to power one at a time’ is in reality spoken in truth. Although only two women replied to the adverts, not one was stupid enough to reply from a company e-mail address.



I can quite happily go the rest of my life without seeing a picture of a man’s arse or penis, erect or not. I don’t know whether women posting these ads specifically request to see them, and I have felt different emotions ranging from pity to alarm, depending on their sizes. When I got the photos of their penises though, I did think that there might be a face attached to it. No. According to these men, a woman is going to want to sleep with them due to their penis, by the looks of it. No pun intended of course.



What has been most amusing for me is the lengths that men will go to, to try and get a woman to sleep with him. Where I have quoted, I have left them in their original states without amending the spelling. There seemed to be so many men desperate to reply that they couldn’t even be bothered with the spell check. When I talk to my female friends about what they want in a guy, one character trait that comes up very frequently is for him to be honest. Now I can see why. The ad for the businesswoman stated that ‘she’ wanted the man to be between the ages of 25 and 45. So one reply came back which read as the following:



‘ Hi,



25/m/Essex. Work in the city, also travel for work a lot, and have the luck of working from home.’



And his reply to our young secretary read:



‘I am 24/m/essex. I am 6`3 tall, short brown hair and brown eyes. I live in Essex and work in the City of London for a major Bank.’



Another reply to the businesswoman read as follows:

‘I ahve just read your post and think that I satisfy all of your criteria. I am 25, very fit and toned, good-looking, intelligent (with a uni degree) and good fun’

However, his reply to our delightful young secretary read:

‘Do you rhink I can help? I'm 23, good-looking, look after my body by playing rugby and going to teh gym and have a very good sense of humour.’

So both men were quite willing to lie about their age for the purposes of fulfilling her criteria. One man who replied to both was quite willing to reduce his age. His reply to the businesswoman was as follows:



‘I saw your advert and thought i'd write, hope you don't mind. I'm a 31 year old male looking for a fun girl for discrete meets in London.’



His reply to the secretary differed very slightly:



‘I saw your advert and thought i'd write, hope you don't mind. I'm a 30 year old male looking for a fun girl for meets in London.’



One wasn’t sure whether his favourite colour hair for a woman, as he said to our businesswoman:



‘Brunettes have always been the sexiest in my opinion’.



In his confusion, however, to our secretary he wrote:



‘Blondes have always been the sexiest in my opinion’.

A simple mistake to make, obviously. About 90% of men who replied to both adverts sent exactly the same response to each, and which has no doubt been sent to other women who have posted on the site. The way that people tried to sell themselves was equally amusing. One read as follows:



‘Eric tall sexy, educated, senusal, wild FRENCHMAN’.



You see ladies, he’s not just French, he’s a wild FRENCHMAN. This brought to my mind the scene in Monty Python & the Holy Grail, where John Cleese’s character stands at the top of the rampartsand shouts ‘I am Fronch. Why do u zink I spake wiz zis outroogaous acc-ennnt?’



A doctor included this:



‘Ps this isn’t a cut and paste form mail that I send to all,’ except that it was, and to assure our ‘ladies’ that he could be trusted reminded them that ‘Also by definition doctors are clean, we have to have blood tests before we can operate or perform invasive procedures.’ I wouldn’t have expected any less, and I must add, how erotic to know.



Some men sent the same e-mail to each person six times to make sure it got through, and which led me to have to delete the contents of the hotmail addresses I was using twice daily due to the number of photos they had included with each. This, and I use the term purposefully, arsehole, sent this reply together with a photo of him dressed in 1970’s gear, which obviously appealed to the silly person in our ladies:



‘Hi, my name's [deleted] and I'd like to arrange a meeting with you. I work in London, Kensington, and live on the coast so there is plenty of opportunity to meet in early evening Commuter "delay" time. Me, 5' 8", 13 stone, medium build, fun, outgoing and 45(boo hoo!), married (for far too long and its really boring). I'm a skier, swimmer, ride a motorbike, so there's still a pulse!’



This person is trying to empathise with our married lady by stating that his marriage is boring, but whether exactly the same e-mail to our secretary could appeal in any shape or form is another question entirely. Indeed, it is fairly unlikely it would appeal to any married woman anyway.



One respondent seems to have invented a new disease:



‘I’m single, 24, and I live in N4. I like being single but I can’t really function without sex.’



So his simple bodily functions fail if he doesn’t have a fuck every 48 hours? He should be able to get sex on prescription then, rather than replying to the ads.



Rather disturbingly, one reverted to introducing his and ‘her’ sexual organs by names:



‘I love and respect Miss Pussy as much as I love and respect Mr Dick. However when it comes to … pleasure, I’d rather treat Miss Pussy kinda touchingly softly..’



That’s all well and good, but are you replying to me or auditioning for a role in ‘Are You Being Served?’



One applicant for the position thought the idea of introducing sexual plays-on-words would be erotic (although not as erotic as the man who signed his e-mail ‘erotically yours’):



‘My other interests include playing bedminton in the 69 position and Lawng Penis where I can serve ram and thrust my cock into you any which way you can take it.



If you like the sound of me then do respond and lets see how things shape up. If not then I wish you all the best in your fucking endeavours so to say!!



My one eyed bald monk awaits your summons. I have enclosed a photo so you can judge for yourself what is on offer.’



A further respondent tried humour, which did raise a lot of laughs with me personally, and if I had been a woman, which quite obviously I’m not, might have merited a reply:



Good evening,



I am a 52 year-old, 20 stone man who lives in his

parent’s loft.



Although I have never actually seen a woman in real

life I do have over 20,000 pictures of them in various

different poses on my computer. I think this makes me

more than qualified to be an expert in the fine art of

LOVING. After all, how difficult can it be?



Fortunately my parents still do everything for me so I

don’t need to work. In fact I haven’t really had a job

since I left school at 16 after that unfortunate

incident with the school rabbit. I say unfortunate,

but technically speaking it was only really

unfortunate for the rabbit herself.



Nowadays I find it’s best if I can just sit at my

computer all day without being distracted by things

like washing or going outdoors. A good scratch is all

I need to pass away the hours.



Most people are looking for someone with a good sense

of humour, which is useful because I have a great

sense of humour. That guy who used to present Bull’s

Eye, hilarious! And the guy with the talking duck, I

cried with joy! And what about the guy who goes around

with the small Scottish school girl? I laughed so much

my stomach burst out over the top of the elasticated

waistband trousers my mum got me from the mail-order

company.



[I’m rapidly beginning to think that sarcasm doesn’t

come across well over e-mail]



Look forward to hearing from you,



Jez



P.S. 28 year old male non-smoker from London, 6’3”,

slim and athletic - I enjoy eating my friends and

missing out commas.



If you want more pics (where I don't look like so much

of an idiot) let me know.



That is, it might have merited a reply, but as I am not just one man but two women (only for today) both our girls received exactly the same reply. As are, no doubt, all the other women placing ads on the site. Which hopefully is a warning for all the other women using the site.



My disbelief, and then subsequent bending over double in fits of laughter was reserved, however, for when I received an e-mail together with a photo from one of my lecturers at my time at university. Describing himself in the subject line as a ‘suave Italian’, he did make the effort of replying to both our ladies but sending different e-mails, which is what I expected as the secretary’s ad was slightly more raunchy in tone. To our businesswoman he says:



‘…Pleasure for me starts from the mind, then escalates to the body. I enjoy and am aroused by a good conversation with an articulate woman. I believe I am a careful and considerate lover.’



However to our secretary he uses an altogether dirtier tone:



‘….Love to givepleasure perhaps starting t finger fuck youon thelift before bending yo over the desK and you would be welcome to come to where I work, I have a private office near Lincoln's inn.’



Lots of men were driven to describe how big their penis was, as if this is the only thing which is necessary to sexually satisfy a woman, one being ‘7 inch hanging’ and another which came with a photo as proof as ‘ten inches of thick meat’.



Others simply described what they were going to do to the ladies. One said:



‘As for fantasies, I can imagine us two meeting up, then slowly stripping off, taking each piece of clothing off one by one followed by sensually kissing each other all over, from the top of your head to the end of your toes, being gentle with all your sensitive spots... you will be getting most of the pleasure... with lots of stroking, kissing and sensual foreplay, enough to want you to ask for more... and more... and I'll keep on till you feel like you're ready to burst...even before full intercourse happens!’

I loved the ‘Even before full intercourse happens’. How lucky are our ladies? As he sent this to both of them, we may as well get them together for a threesome!



Another went on to say:



‘I'd find it very hard to put you down for a second, except over a desk while I lick your creamy pussy, and clitoris until you come over my face and fingers.’



Simply delightful, said our businesswoman and secretary, crying out with pleasure in unison, as they both had the very same e-mail.



This was sent to both our girls, and he was stupid enough to give me both his home telephone number and mobile number:



‘How are you? I‘m feeling very horny! I have attached a picture which I hope you like. I am sure you get lots of offers but I would really like to meet you very soon!!



I am a professional male who works for a Bank in the City, have my own 3 bedroom house in the North London/Hertfordshire area (I can accommodate) and a Mini Cooper S in which I would love to take you for a spin. I am not a time waster (I hope you are not either) just a genuine honest nice bloke who knows how to treat a lady well and enjoys great sex. I am naturally fit, have great stamina and guarantee you great orgasms!!!



To give you a taste, this is what we could be doing.



After meeting for a few drinks to get us both relaxed I bring your back to my house. Once inside I slowly start gently kissing your neck and lips before I slip my tongue inside your mouth. Whilst kissing you I slip my hand inside your blouse and begin to massage your breasts until your nipples are rock hard! Whilst I continue to kiss you I slowly remove your blouse and bra to reveal your fabulous tits and erect nipples.



I remove my tongue from you mouth and start kissing you, moving down from your neck towards your tits and erect nipples. Whilst kissing your tits I slide my hand up your inner thigh under your short skirt and inside your panties which are by now damp in excitement.



I gentle lay you on my floor and remove your short skirt and stockings. I start kissing the sole of your feet before slowly moving up your legs and toward your inner thigh. By this time I have two fingers inside your wet pussy whilst my thumb is slowly rubbing your clit. You are groaning and close to coming. My mouth is now around your swollen clit as well as licking your soaking pussy. My fingers are deep inside and you let out a deep groan as your come!!



I unzip my trousers to reveal 8 inches of very hard thick cock which you eagerly take in your mouth!!! After a few minutes in the 69 position I turn you onto your front before thrusting my hard cock inside your soaking wet pussy. I begin to pound you eagerly from behind, whilst massaging your back and shoulders. You very quickly come for the second time.



I then remove cock from your pussy and you wank me until I shoot lots of my hot creamy love juice all over your tits!!!’



At least it is nice to know that I have fabulous tits, which indeed I do…. Erm. And he ‘guarantees great orgasms’? Does he pay money if they are only ‘slightly good’, ‘not bad’, ‘could be better’, or ‘try again?’. Another said:



‘My favourite sexual positions are doggy style as this enhances your pleasure and I also like it when a woman goes on top as they control and I can play with your nice firm breasts.’


Every woman must have sex doggy style, as no matter who she is, it enhances her pleasure. He must write for Cosmopolitan. He only likes it because it’s best for her! How very modern! One was quite modest about himself, saying:



‘…Manhood I guess is above average but to be honest I've no idea - It's not like I sit comparing myself to other guys or measure myself on a weekly basis!! But I get plenty of compliments on that area of my body!!’



He has obviously never been to a gent’s toilets in his life then. We had a ‘sophisticated gentleman’ replying who on the face of it, sounded quite interesting:



‘Just in case you're looking for something slightly upmarket of the other four million replies you'll doubtless have got already... Oxbridge graduate, six-foot, ridiculously cultured, sophisticated, hilariously funny, multilingual, budding barrister - but I'll stop there for now, I haven't come here to boast after all... Love arts, wining & dining, travel & languages - I'm likewise attached but utterly bored, and desperate to catch up on the excitement I've been missing at home, in the most discreet manner of course. Do get in touch if you'd like to know more - I have several questions, but I'll hold fire for now...’



What unfortunately transpired is that he copied the subject line for our secretary into the subject line for the businesswoman and spent a second e-mail apologising for putting the wrong subject line, and hoping he could be forgiven. Which would have been fine, had he not just sent exactly the same e-mail as above to the businesswoman as he was interested in her as well.



One, in a desperate attempt at giving a compliment from the brief details that the saucy secretary posted, said:



‘You must be the craziest secretary in the UK. You would make a good lawyer!’



How does he know our secretary would make a good lawyer? Psychic? Obviously bloody not. We did have an international array of people replying, from Americans and Canadians, to our Europeans, such as Italians, Irish, French, Swedes, Danes, and the antipodeans, mainly Australians. One American respondent seemed to think that saying:



‘I am happy to entertain you if you want, I have a fat expense account!’



in turn making the ladies probable prostitutes if they accepted the offer, would do the trick.



80% of all respondents said they could be guaranteed a good time, with several sure that it would be the greatest fuck they had ever had. I happily mused, ‘do these people come with a guarantee?’ (Again, no pun intended).



33% of all our respondents were more than happy to give their mobile phone numbers. Like with company e-mail addresses, it is pure stupidity. A large percentage of the people who left their mobile phone numbers were married, and it would not take much for someone wanting to cause trouble to start sending random text messages about affairs etc., at all times of the day, for problems to start occurring.



What did surprise me was the number of men who were, in my own opinion, very good-looking. I’m not afraid to say when I think a man is good-looking, and I would say that more than 50% of those who did reply could be classed as very good-looking or good-looking. If they were capable of holding a conversation, which they seemed to be, I would not have any doubts about them being able to have one-night stands with women they met in bars or if the women liked them, be in relationships. 80% of the 50% I did think were good looking were, of course, either in long-term relationships, married, or required discretion. (Code for being in a relationship or married? I think so.)



It was suggested by a female friend that the morality of the act itself depends on the consequences of the act itself, for example that if a man was in a relationship and his partner did not find out, and as a result the relationship itself was strengthened, then this would make the infidelity a good thing. It may shock you but I don’t believe that infidelity is wrong no matter what the consequences are. Please read on before I get hate mail! For example, if I was in a relationship, and was told that sleeping with someone would save 1,000 decent people rather than the people being shot, yes I would sleep with them, and this would include sleeping with a man, probably the only time in my life that that would ever happen! However it is extremely unlikely that I am ever going to be called upon to do anything like that (it could be the plot for the next Austin Powers movie – Austin you need to shag to save the world!), for which I am extremely thankful – I just want to be able to maintain that I am a utilitarian based on the qualitative effects of the action. Suffice to say, I’m completely in love with my girlfriend, and would never consider it under any other circumstances. I would be very surprised if a relationship became stronger qualitatively as a result of infidelity, even if the infidelity was not known about. As mentioned above, I always look at the morality of an act by the qualitative effects and consequences of an action. I simply can not believe that a man is going to love someone more for sleeping with someone else. If he has sex with another woman due to his partner not wanting to carry out or not knowing about certain sexual fantasies he has, then he either does not trust his partner enough or respect his partner enough to be in a relationship with her. The balance in the relationship is tilted in his favour, he is very unlikely to be satisfied with one sexual encounter, and will continue to deceive his partner repeatedly. The conduct is inherently wrong. If his partner allows him to seek sexual pleasure elsewhere as she is not willing to carry out what he wants, then this becomes consensual, and as long as there is consent, it is not infidelity. If the infidelity is due to boredom with the relationship, the boredom will continue to exist, the quality of the relationship will continue to deteriorate, and so the conduct is again inherently wrong.



She also suggested that if you think of committing an act of infidelity, then you become as guilty as the person who actually goes through with the act. At the risk of upsetting Jesus, I don’t believe that the thought equals the act. The Judaeo-Christian moral philosophy is based on the Greek tradition that includes the notion that humans are born a blank slate. As we are not born blank slates, and our human nature does include certain predicates, we do have certain behaviours that are natural. As outlined in the background, there is evidence to say that men are predisposed genetically and through evolution to seek out a greater number of sexual partners than women, who may be of lesser ‘genetic quality’ than the fewer number of men that women choose to sleep with. Again, as stated above, this does not condone men’s behaviour as men have the simple moral choice of choosing whether or not to commit infidelity. However, it does add weight to the argument that men will think fleetingly about sleeping with women other than their partners, as women do with men. (Whether it is to a greater or lesser degree I do not know – but from what I’ve read in the Blank Slate, it would appear to be the latter). I was speaking to the wonderful Pip about this a couple of nights ago. I have no doubt that I will meet women in the future who I am attracted to, and equally have no doubt that she will meet men that she finds attractive. This is, I hope you agree, only human nature to do so. What I will never do, however, is to act upon the attraction. I’ve met someone I’m deeply in love with so could even consider seriously cheating on her. The fact that she is currently over 30,000 miles away is of course, frustrating. For someone who does not take a relationship quite so seriously or is driven by the thought-processes of the penis it may lead them to sleep with someone else. Not me. Or else why would I be in a relationship in the first place? As I argued above, I look at the morality of an action through the quality of its effects. If, as I believe and studies bear our, that attraction to others is human nature, I am not going to affect the quality of the relationship to its detriment. Indeed, by our being honest with each other, the quality should only improve.



It has also been suggested that I am looking at this too deeply, that I should be looking at sex for what it is, that it happens and it happens in a lot of relationships. The longest relationship I was in was for two and a half years, and they commented that I had no idea what it was like being in the same relationship for a long period of time and that boredom may ensue, or may drift apart from not spending enough time together. I found that idea very troubling indeed. The men responding to these ads who are in relationships or married are probably responding to many of the ads on craigslist, so are not just looking to commit one act of infidelity, but no doubt several with many different women. If men can afford to spend this amount of time looking for women to have sex with, they can spend time trying to inject some spice into a relationship that might have gone stale. The act itself is inexcusable. Writing to me, and no doubt many other women at the same time is purely, lazy and shows a distinct lack of effort on their part, as well as being completely dishonest with their partners. Why are they remaining in the relationship if they do not feel that the relationship is going well? Does the female partner become some sort of comfort blanket to come home and talk to and have sex with occasionally? Indeed, does she simply become an object, rather than an individual? I feel that this has partly proven my theory about Jane Austen syndrome. On an earlier blog entry I mentioned that Jane Austen syndrome is the idea that a large proportion of couples see the ultimate culmination of a relationship as marriage. What the ultimate culmination of a relationship really is, is being able to spend the rest of one’s life with someone else. Couples do not think hard enough about what life will be like with the same partner 10, 20 or 30 years in the future, but instead focus on the A typical marriage vow will include the words ‘forsaking all others’, ‘love’, ‘respect’ and ‘honour’, which taken together mean not committing any adulterous acts. An adulterous act by definition does not include consensual sexual activities in such as swinging, threesomes etc., as this includes the implicit agreement between partners that they can have sex with persons other than their own partners. It could be suggested that I am questioning the morality of others, and that I have no right to do this as it has no bearing on my life. Having thought about this more deeply, it does affect me. I hear from so many female friends that ‘all men are bastards’ until proven otherwise. This means that when I start dating people I am held under a could of suspicion due to the probability that the person I am seeing has had an experience of a man cheating on her or lying to her in a previous relationship. Every relationship I have been in has been with a person who has suffered from a man cheating on her. So yes, it does affect me in a direct way, and I have every right to question their actions. I will go on to say that their acts are immoral. I can say this because a marital vow is a promise not to lie, be deceitful, to go behind a partners back, cheat or commit adulterous acts. In a stable, loving relationship, where an agreement is not in place to have sex with people other than your own partner, these things are generally implicit. Otherwise, why be in the relationship in the first place? As a moral agent a man knows when he seeks out an alternative sexual partner that he is going to be deceitful. Indeed, several of the replies mentioned that discretion must be absolutely guaranteed, which confirms that they know what the consequences of their actions would be if their partners found out, ergo, they know their own actions are wrong. Thus, I can say their actions are wrong, because as moral agents they known their own actions are wrong, and they know them to be wrong due to the potential detriment to the quality of their relationship. Any test of goodness, for me, lies in the qualitative benefits of the action, and here, there is none. These men effectively prove my own belief.



I’ll make the final point, to possibly the biggest blog entry I’ll ever write. (If I ever do anything like this again, I’ll make it the basis for a PhD). I make jokes about men and the relationship with their penis frequently e.g. if all men were yoga masters, than the world economy would collapse, or that in a relationship between a man and a woman, there are three people involved – the man, the woman and the penis, but I’ve found some of this deeply sad. While I know some men are decent, good, honest people (my male friends), I have been surprised by the frequency with which some men are willing to say they are married to try and empathise with my woman seeking a discreet encounter, some men are willing to state they are in relationships or marriages they are bored or sexually unsatisfied with, while others admit that the sex is good in their relationship or marriage but want a quick fuck anyway to fulfil a fantasy or just because they are excited by the thought of doing something ‘illicit’. I’m dismayed that men are all too obvious. Many of the men who replied were intelligent and as shown above, considered the consequences of their actions and knew them to be wrong, and yet due to the necessity of them wanting a quick fuck and not being willing to put in the effort to save a relationship or marriage were quite prepared to go ahead with it. Above all, as shown above it is obvious that a substantial proportion reply to more than one ad and many have prepared a standard response to send to all the women they see, including one who quite happily cc’s all the other women he sends the responses to. (How very flattering). We are born with selfish genes, as Richard Dawkins wrote. We are born, moral sentient beings with the ability to consider the consequences of our actions. It is a shame, a real shame, that whilst all men have selfish genes, a great deal are also selfish arseholes.



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Posted by: shinyshoes