09:11L 31 August 2004

Tinge of envy. I read a few blogs this morning, some of my regular reads and a new one. For all of the appreciation and enthusiasm I have for sexually aware and hungry women, it does sting just a bit to read of their exploits knowing that I cannot partake. I'm not sure what the difference between jealous and envy is. At any rate I don't enjoy being petty so I won't dwell on it. At times I am not quite shocked but a little surprised at how many married women fool around and with a great degree of abandon. I percieve a definate shift from what I had always thought was a societal norm of the married man fooling around with unmarried woman to more of an equal number of married men and women fooling around. Makes me wonder when I'm in the grocery store - how many of these women are available...

I've been sore for over a week now but the house looks great. The deck I built a few summers ago got a power washing last night. The first potential buyers to come look at our house are comming back for a second viewing tonight which is a pleasant and somewhat vindicating suprise. There was significant drama attached to their first visit which I don't care to recount but basically the wife blew comments by our realtor out of proportion, who probably blew comments by the buyers' agent out of proportion, who probably blew comments by the potential buyers out of proportion to the point where I get a desperate phone call after they went through the house the first time that leads me to believe that the toliet has fallen thru the second story floor onto the dining room table with associated sewage guyser type flooding and this is my fault since I personally did some remodeling. There are five words I learned long ago that you cannot say to a woman. "it is not a crisis"

09:15L 30 August 2004

I worked my ass off this weekend getting the house ready to be shown. Late last night our realtor called and plans to show the house today so I guess the efforts paid off. Last week flew by and I ended up traveling for the new job already. I'm sore from a ton of yard work. I laid sod, mowed and edged, took out a dead tree, cut it up, edged and the house looks better for it. I'm dreading the move. We have so much crap that boxing everything up is going to be a nightmare. For the next few months I'm going to have to move fast - kinda be in high speed mode continually. I didn't drink to excess or even seek out much in the way of naughty sex this weekend - no time! Being too busy or too tired might be my salvation.

in my head: burning inside, by ministry from thieves and liars

suggestion. Somtimes my stuck in my head reference might be obscure. If you look up cd's on amazon.com they often have samples of the songs...

Sanity returns after an orgasm

It's startling how much of a change occurs after comming. If you dear reader are not aware, there are a few dirty pictures that one can pick up along the roadside of information superhighway. I have, on rare occasion, indulged in observing racy photographs presented in electronic format. I know, shocking! and I am not without remorse, but rather than discuss the obvious moral perils of such activites I would like to focus today on the physiological and perhaps phychotic effects of having baby batter on the brain.

I'm not sure I could write software code for a living. When I write here it doesn't seem to be as much of a factor but long sessions of internet porn hunting certainly does have an effect on my eyes and general health. I'm not sure why but perhaps it's the continual filtering that I do that fatigues me in an unsual way. I love to come. But I've also learned that I really really like being aroused and greater the length of arousal time and the greater the number of approaches to comming prior to actually comming the more intense the feeling upon eventual release. (Ladies take note)

Anyways this tends to add to the length of time I spend. When looking at porn online I'm often looking at free porn. Which means I may have to open a webpage only to scroll down past advertising or I'm looking a amateur submitted images where I'm viewing thumbnails, filtering for a subset of desirable images that I willing to wait for as they're being opened to their full size. This seems to be a unique activity - you're eyes probably don't change focal depth and often you're rapidly scanning over the page, which may be scrolling at the same time looking for a key word or image that indicates the most arousal for the time spent at dial up bandwidth. I scan for sultry brunettes, or the signs of a woman enjoying what's happening like a smile, heels, or words like slut wife, neighbor, etc... Recognition of what's hot (to me) is instanteous and the mouse is quickly manipulated to enlarge the image or respond to the chatter but then I'm waiting again, probably without looking away from the screen. Another scan example is searching yahoo profiles or member directory information. The search feature is too broad so once I have women in my state, 35-50 who are married and looking and online, I'm rapidly looking at the location which appears under their name in the list. I'm skimming fast, watching for suburbs as well as my own city's name. As chats develop or naughty pictures are displayed I'm often self stimulating. I become an addict. I'm after the huge orgasm, and I'm finding arousing material so self denial becomes the game. I'm hard, feeling good, getting closer but looking for that ever so ellusive image or idea that will maximize the orgasm. Rationally I know that the really hot idea or image currently infront of me is sufficent to get me off and may be the best I can do today, but the promise of somthing better often looms and a few more minutes of being turned on only helps so I press on.

I've looked at porn and jerked off in sessions as long as 10 hours before. Usually drawing out orgasm for a few hours then comming hard is it. However if I'm not overly tired, continuing happens easily. The images or ideas don't go away right after comming, so as I return to reality I'm reminded of the hot fantasy just held in mind then, more importantly, the prospect of an even hotter experience waiting just around the internet's next dirty corner pops into mind and I'm looking again, scanning, anticipating. Staying hard after a small or moderate orgsm is not unusual. A long jerk off session could include 5 orgasms spread over 8 hours - often with a shower start to the day and a private moment or two in my office also having previously taken place.

After every orgasm a degree of sanity returns. The contrast between pre orgasm maddnes and post orgasm clarity varies. A super long drawn out orgsm coordinated with a particulary hot image, or exhange with a chat friend provides the biggest difference. A shorter time to orgsm with no time for or intention to continue provides a moderate to large difference. Times where I'm on a roll, and feel free to spend time for as long as it's pleasuable actually offer a much smaller return to sanity and the entire session actually becomes a slow decreshendo where eventually simply don't have the level of desire for sex necessary to invest the effort (of course by that time I may have come 6 or 8 times).

At times, particularly after a huge orgasm which was long anticipated I found the difference in mindset disturbing. Only a moment before I focused to the point of obsession - I had no other biological functions - no hunger, sensitivity to temperature, fatigue etc. Now logic and a million activities other than sex fill my mind and the value of time is such that spending a long time wacking off doesn't sound as attractive as other hobbies. I think I 've always had some suceptibility to addiction and wonder how close this is to the difference a drug user feels before and after getting a hit. While I always try to consider my partners a chat friend who I may have just had cyber sex with and my interaction with them manifest this difference. To get some I'll be sensative and giving in extreme, adapt my communication style, fein interest and even get smart about a topic in order to appear attractive. Sometimes these actions are manipulative and machavellian, but often they're happily done with the fact they're conditional on the pursuit of sex buried and only unconsciously known. After comming the idea of kissing someone's ass that much seems hard to fathom and if it was a very one sided exchange were I gave and they took without much mutual concern a definate coldness rolls over me. I try to take the high road and remain courteous.

I never used to believe in "blue balls". I figured it was just one more way that guys used to get sex. I don't know if there's anything to it physiologically but I do know that if I'm interrupted while working my way to orgsm I have a real tough time not being iritable and real anger is right below the surface. Typically I'm a very patient guy, willing to put down what I'm doing with a natural tendancy to please.

Real sex seems to be different. After a long internet session I feel lousy. I'm off to bed and it's late at night if I've been at it for a while. Particularly after a long session my eyes burn, my head feels like it's filled with cobwebs and I'm generally hot but not sweating - head radiating from my body. I may feel tired, like I have huge bags under my eyes and realize my mouth is dry. Somtimes my balls or whatever the male equivalent of PC muscles are feel sore or stretched. These feelings, as fun as they may be to read, aren't particularly pleasant. This is very different from sex. In that case I may be tired, but often bask in a pleasant relaxed feeling. I don't know if it's related to the computer or the lack of connection related to self pleasure. I have had some immediate sanity or remorse after meaningless sex but because I do tend to work hard for my partner and seek out others also sincerely seeking mutual pleasure this seems to be much less often.

out of time....thoughts are always welcome.

08:17L 25 August 2004

Gave my notice yesterday. My boss was genuinely sad and I felt lousy dropping it on her via phone, but both she and her boss were traveling and I needed to start the clock on my 2 weeks notice. It's going to be a hectic time for a while but I'm starting to look forward to the change. I feel a big obligation to leave this place on good terms so I feel some pressure to make sure I'm contributing until that time. I have no doubt that once I'm gone anything that can be blamed on me will - we tend to speak ill of the dead often around here.

Last night I worked out while watching a show about a competition for "best ranger" from within the U.S. Army. Often I think that I should have joined the military when I was still young enough. I think I would have fit in there extremely well. I love the idea that you can push yourself harder and farther than you think you can. The feeling of being prepared for almost anything after completing some of this specialized military training would really appeal to me. I'm doing between 50-90 pushups now on the evenings when I work out in two or three sets. Rangers have to do somthing like 60 in two minutes. I might work towards that. I should add sit ups as well...

stuck in my head, green onions, by booker t and the mg's from some rock instrumental compilation I have - you know it from the end of american grafiti

back 16:41

So yes I was bad this weekend. Found myself in a hot tub with an attractive 48 year old blonde on Friday night. S, operating under slightly different pretenses, covered for me. Hubby was there watching from the opposite side of the tub. Coitus Interruptus: another friend of their's showed up. My weirdness threshold long since crossed, I bolted. Having been non-retarded, able to get hard in a hot tube, gentle and sincere about her comfort with my approaches has provided me with an open rain check for at least head. Considering it but trying not to. Saturday I was in another city, shameless grinding with two different women on a dance floor in a night club that specializes in 70s and 80s music. Can you say 30-late 40s women paradise? Sunday provided soft touch and back scratching gratis to the wife.

Tomorrow I'll probably give my 2 weeks notice. I expect that several people here will be shocked. I'm not looking forward to explaining why several times. I've been very sucessful here and try to put on a happy face despite how much I have not enjoyed the last few years, so I won't be able to tell people how f'ed this place is. They have to stay...

Probably a celebratory dinner and chat about moving tonight. Today I'm pleased that is looks like the wife has backed down by about $75K on homes she'll go for so I'm hopefull we can fight less over the move.

I'll probably check in later this evening

15:24L 23 August 2004 - bad hubby this weekend, job came thru

first of all, Julia, I left a comment on your blog.

Let's see, just a few moments to blog today. I'm very thankful that the job offer came thru this morning. A few more bucks and the ability to get closer to home. I'm convinced that God provided this blessing despite my lousy behaviour and if I'm smart I'll use this chance to straighten up and fly right.

Back to blog later...

12:48L 20 August 2004 - good boy and job prospects

Dammit. I just lost a long post due to an internet problem here at work. It's funny often after posting it's really hard to write anything more on the subject. I had written a description of last night's activities. I went out with S for a few beers but was home early, managed to not get any affection from the wife, went to bed frustrated. I could have gone to meet some swingers at a bar and/or got on the internet to cruise for trouble but denied myself these indulgences. Part of my reasoning was related to a job it looks like I might get. I've been thru a set of interviews and while I don't believe in luck I do believe that blessings God offers are things you can scoop up or reject and usually rejecting them happens when you're being a jerk. I'm not going to rewrite that whole philosophy so maybe I'll touch on it later.

The new job could signal the beginning of really different part of my life. I'd like to reset my routine in a lot of ways. I won't have a drinking buddy immediately available so I should have more time to invest at home. I hope to join a gym and get involved at church and in some sort of volunteer group, maybe habitat for humanity. These are activities I have put on hold since I have been looking for a job knowing that it would be likely we'd relocate. I'd love to say the sex stuff will stop but I'm not sure. The troubling and most dangerous thoughts about my marriage occur when I try to remember and can't come up with a time that my wife has simply tried to get in my shoes sexually and take pleasure in doing somthing nice for me. I do things for her for the simple sake of pleasing her at times, although with less frequency. If I stop, what is the likelihood she'll ever start? At the same time, feeling it's entirely one sided makes me feel taken advantage of and that is a huge peave of mine. An idea I had typed earlier and lost was related to doing good things and feeling that positive reward. Bad things can be gratifying, and so can good things. Doing things for my wife doesn't usually feel rewarding. I know I should keep doing them, not look for the reward and eventually it should pay off, but the length of time between giving and feeling good about it is long enough to make it very hard. Last night when I got home I offered some kissing and cuddlings with nothing more implied. She declined (again) and mentioned somthing about feeling bad about it. I stepped on my dick then by saying that I'd gladly give massages, soft touch and cuddling free without expectation and she was free to become a slut in the future. Granted this was not my most graceful delivery. She shut down the conversation saying she didn't want to talk about this since she'd get angry. She felt that this was a request on my part to change who she was and a rejection or criticism of who she is. I really meant it as an encouragement and way of giving her permisson to explore and develop her own sense of sexuality. To me she does need to grow and mature sexually and she will probably do so one way or another eventually. I don't think she recognizes it that same way and anytime another person encourages her growth she takes it only as a criticism. The pattern has occurred for her at work so I know it's not just me. At any rate it came across all wrong. She reacts to any percieved attack on her current persona with anger as her primary defense (rather than denial or rationalization). The fact she gets angry at me when I'm trying, albeit ungracefully, to express what I think we need to be happy together, and that we each need to change or grow, tends to get me angry as well. So I let it go, knowing I wasn't going to be able to communicate effectively and rolled over to sleep unfulfilled.

The lack of cuddling and affection is becoming almost as big a deal as the sex stuff these days. Part of my problem is this perhaps false idea that I have built up that women love that non-intercourse affection and men who supply it are rare. I think I should be more appreciated or would be appreciated by other women. Often when my wife has done things for me in the past it's clear that it's being done because she recognizes that we're not enjoying a healthy "normal" relationship and so if "normal" people do this more often, come on we need to do it. This is apparent and an incredible turn off. It lacks the key to the whole thing in my mind: Each selflessly wanting to do the for the other. Perhaps she's never experienced it but it can be so hot when we men and women each work hard to outplease the other. A generousity vicious circle develops and everyone wins. Her need to put a check in the box in order to feel better about the state of things feels like such a attempt to address a symptom, not the illness. I usually let it happen but then I too am not fully engaged. If I criticise or reject her advances she feels especially put out because she thinks she's doing us a favor and I have the nerve to not enjoy or be grateful for it. Talking to her at that time is no good. I need to figure out a way to communicate these thoughts in another way. She admits she's selfish at times but I have a hellova time trying to illustrate it's impact and motivate her to be more generous. We have talked about my definitioin of great sex before and while she understands it, I'm not sure she really gets it - has enjoyed it and because of that enjoyment wants more. Often talking about great sex dredges up my old girlfriend. I tend to cite a time with my wife before we were married where she was quite uninhibited. She seems to place that in a category where she was not sure that we would be together beyond that time - so she was wild because she thought there was no chance of long term consequences. This brings me back to her lack of comfort with sexuality which to me should get better over time. Another aspect of our difficulties is the significant gap in sexual experience. Because I've turned to the internet and other sources for sexual gratification I've been exposed to a lot of sexual ideas and little shocks me anymore. I've also noticed my threshold for being offended and my acceptance of things has changed. Scary. I know I should be a teacher for her, patient and happy to work with her at a beginner level but it's difficult. My tendency to jump to a naughtier level doesn't reinforce what she may enjoy. I seem to get caught between not starting with gentle affection because she's not into it to jumping to far into f_cking instead of making love.

a million apologies

yikes, I gotta start proof reading. if you couldn't tell I typed the last long one quick...

Julia -thanks for the comment

Julia, thanks for the comment. I'm terribly curious to know more. Please email me if you're unable to type freely there....
intrigued_one2002@yahoo.com

10:38L 19 August 2004 - Mixed signals, poor kitten

Feeling a bit randy the other day I smiled at a woman parked in a lexus SUV a few spots over, also waiting for Outback steakhouse carry out. She smiled back and our eyes met several times. If you're unfamiliar, Outback has parking spots where you can sit and wait for an order you previously called in. When the waitress gave me my food I gave here a copy of my cell number and asked her to pass it along to the woman in the lexus along with a complement saying I thought she was gorgeous. She was very attractive a brunette with pouty lips, very tan and while I could only see her from the shoulders up, her neck and arms indicated she kept in shape. A day or so later she called me and we talked a few times. She was 46, divorced for 10 years, hadn't dated in 5years, daughter was off to college, son had a few more years of high school but would soon be away and will spend time with his Dad... She invited me over to see her and mentioned her hot tub.

So I'm sensative and listen to her as we chat a number of times. She's comfortable and confides. It's clear to me that her life has been poured into her childeren after being hurt badly five years ago. She's not sure how to live as a single person alone. I think this may be to my advantage. She's probably got that sexual drive of an olderwoman that just needs to be tapped. The afternoon before we're to meet for the first time her story about getting the pet store in chicago to take back the dog her daughter bought a day prior gives me a few indicators that this may not be quite perfect.I'm out entertaining customers for the evening (or so the story goes) and she suggests I stop by her place later. We've never met before. I call her, planning to head over. Our plans had fallen thru once before and she teased that I missed a great little dress and heels the night before. I mention my weakness for heels and she's on board with putting them back on for me tonight. To me, I'm heading over to a woman's house to meet her for the first time, after dark, she's going to sex it up for me and I know the hot tub is not off limits.

When I arrive we hug and I ask to steal a kiss. It's tongue right away. Her body is very very nice. Small waist, ample ass but nice shape, and the dress isn't telling me everything but I'm thinking nice tits. She opens the wine she asked me to bring, we take our place on the couch and chat while Miles Davis plays jazz ballads behind us. We chat a bit both a bit nervous but I think we're both please with what we see. I'm probably pretty haggard after the long day and the cloak and dagger necessary to get out of the house.

Doing somthing seems to be important to her so when she lists the tub as an option I'm so very in. Now I'm thinking, first time meeting and I'm going to see her in a bathing suit. She gives me the tour of her home and and the kids role in her life is again so very large--which is cool to me, I'm sure she was such a great mom but she's really never spoiled her self and she may not have much of a self identity as a woman, just as a mom.

Out to the tub, off comes the cover. Hedges surround the yard, she mentions she lays out naked all the time. I ask if I can steal another kiss. Yes you may she says and we kiss a bit more. She asks if I need a suit and tells me she's going in in her underwear. I'm hard. I ask if I can help and I slip her dress to the floor. flat tummy, big tits in a push up bra, french cut panties, on a nicely shapped big ass thats straddling the edge of the tub as I climb in. I tell her I'd be fool to bother with a suit and I'm naked in a second and follow her in. I honestly think she probably imagined we'd sit and chat but I slowly approach her and begin kissing her. She's a good kisser and I touch her legs back, neck, move her around in the water and ask her what relaxes her. She tells me she likes having her hair played with but it's up and tangles and running my fingers thru her hair is akward at best. We kiss more, roll around a bit and she seems genuinely aroused at times but I'm purposely slow in order to respect her limits and she does begin to interrupt kissing with statements like "I'm a nervous wreck...I haven't done this is such a long time...I don't know how to do this...No one has ever spoiled me before..etc." I back off, not wanting her anything but comfortable and we sit up out of the water and chat. Her question is a bit pointed - how can you be so affectionate with me when we have just met. I try to explain that I love cuddling, kissing and touching and if we had done just that all night I would love it and be largely satisfied provided she felt special. Again she doesn't know how to feel special. About this time the interior light comes on in her garage. I ask - that's not someone pulling it is it? Rather casually she says yes it is. I am no longer hard. Evidently her neighbor is borrowing her garage . The possibility of him walking out to say hi drives us into the house and into robes. We hide in the bedroom and kids or some very non-sexual thing comes up again. She's in her robe and I in mine and I spoon up next to her. It's clear I'm not getting laid. Fine - she's gorgeous to me, still seems to have potential to be a wildcat -she's certainly uninhibited if we can just get her to enjoy things and relax I might be eating like a king - so to speak. I can't stay too long so I volunteer to close the tub up, get dressed, bring in her dress and our wine. We talk a few minutes more, she's hot lying there in her robe and I tell her so. We talk a bit more and I tell her I can't stay the night. My one step at a time talk prompts her to tell me that she used to wait 3 months, and get a blood test before sleeping with someone. Somehow despite just being naked in the hot tub with her I'm not surprised. I go to get dressed and close the tub. As I'm doing this her phone rings. Later I find out it's her gay nephew. It sounds a bit like they each vie for an opportunity to explain their drama. Shes in the kitchen. I hear sobs, daughter is her soulmate... The call goes on for several minutes. Ok I've looked at all the paintings in the room. Need to be getting home...

We return to the bedroom and she lies down. I come to her and sincerely listen about how hard this transition is for her. She cries a little. I feel badly for her and do sympathize. She tells me what I suspect, no real sense of self as an unattached woman. She asks why her husband never touched her and why the guy that hurt her slept with her a day before marrying another woman. I encourage her to lean on her strengths as a business woman. I tell her she's got to take this one step at a time. I kiss her tenderly, kiss away her tears. We kiss a few times and it seems she gets into it a bit. I tell her one step at a time. We talk a bit more, I help her install a battery in her new telephone and tell her I have to go. I leave her asking her to think about what she liked tonight, what she didn't apologize for being less than a gentleman if I had different expectations and tell her I'd like to see her again.

I know she doesn't really want me to go and I think I could be a real friend to her, but fear that being the nice guy we all can be especially for a while would only set her up to be hurt badly. I don't want to take advantage as much as keeping my hands off her body which is soo very much my taste will be hard. We kiss good night and I bolt.

Was I wacked to think I was going to get laid?
Poor kitty. She needs a real, true girlfriend, a guy who's very patient and maybe someone who's intersted in settling down.

Thoughts are always welcome

Same threesome story another perspective

To the Mrs I say:After getting to know one another a bit over drinkswe head back you your place. The three of us walk into your livingroom and stand for a moment. I take your hand, lean in andgive you a gentle kiss. When you look to him, your hubby has a grinand kisses you. You realize that both of these men are yours to haveand you are the only woman in the world tonight to them. We movecloser together, each of us touching you gently, my finger tips dragalong your skin, barely touching you. You turn, first you and Ikiss. Gently at first, a kiss, then a lingering kiss, a bit moreintense, slowly becoming deeper, exploring one another. You turn toyour hubby, and his sincere and familiar kisses find you. You feelmy hand brush your hair away from your neck and as the two of youkiss, I place small wet kisses at the nape of your neck and towardsyour shoulders. We gently touch and kiss for a long while. It seemsthe two of you aren't sure what to do next. You sense how much Iwant you. I gently suggest "why don't you start by taking his shirtoff". You know how hubby likes to be undressed and this feelsnatural. You're certainly aware of my presence, but you and yourhusband slip into each others arms, each turned on by this newexploration together. He can't keep his hands off of you like longago. You begin to anticipate what the rest of the evening holds. Iback away a bit to give the two of you some room. "keepgoing, let him out" I gently prompt as you finishes getting yourhubby's shirt off. He's hard you can feel thru his pants. I ask youhow much you love him. You're both in a place where you want to outplease each other. "Show him." I say and you begin to kiss down hischest and please him. I tell you how incredibly beautiful you lookand you can hear in my voice that I want you badly. You feel a bitof thrill at the though of being watched and wanted. You are so hotwith a hard c-ck in your mouth. "Do you enjoy giving him pleasurelike that? I ask?" Without stopping your reply comes "mmmm hmmm".Your husband shutters with pleasure. "I think your husband loves youvery much too, he wants to give you pleasure as well, enough so thathe's going let me help him. Are you excited about that?" I step a bitcloser and you reach to me, rubbing my which you've made very hard,as you feel it thru my pants. You having a hard time getting meunzipped while sucking your hubby so I reach under you and gentlylift you back to your feet. I kiss you deeply, you turn towards yourhubby and he kisses you and you feel how aroused he is. Suddenlyaware that I have too much clothing on you start to take my shirt offas we kiss and touch. Your hubby sits on the couch in order to gethis pants and shoes off. Off comes my shirt, you squat down, open mybelt, my button and unzip my pants. You reach in and my hard cockpops easily out for you. You feel me thobbing in your hand you standback up and we kiss now more intensely. My hands run all over yourbody, over your clothing, feeling your curves, appreciating yourbeauty, lingering to tease you. You begin to push my khakis off overmy ass and bend forward as you ease them down my thighs. As youkneel you make eye contact with your husband. His hand is slowlystroking his hard cock and he tells you how beautiful you are and howmuch he loves watching you. Encouraged by his sincere complement youwant to give him a great show. My cock stands rock hard in front ofyou and you take me into your mouth slowly. Groaning I tell you thatthe two of us are going to make you feel so good, I tell you how sexyyou are and groan how good this feels. You have made these two mencompletely aroused, you're driving us wild and we are eager to returnthe favor. I ask if you're ready to let us take care of you for awhile. I help you up and with my pants around my ankles, take shortsteps and sit on the arm of the couch. I say to your hubby, "whydon't you start to undress your gorgeous wife." I tell you I want youto relax and let us worry about everything. I'm rock hard from yourmouth. Your hubby gets up and starts by moving behind you, huggingyou, kissing you then slowly begins to undue you clothing frombehind. Again the two of you are comfortable and familiar with eachother so it feels very relaxed and safe. As you clothing starts tocome off, I finish getting dressed and join you. Your hubby and Iwork together, slowly removing you clothing. As each piececomes off we kiss you, gently touch you, let you hold on to one of usfor balance. We take our time. Teasing with each step. All three ofus are completely naked, and you're between two men each wanting you.Badly. Your hands find hard c_cks again. I kiss downyour neck, down your collar bone and take one of her breasts in mymouth. I gently pull you into my mouth deeply, making it wet, thenletit slip from my mouth to blow on your wet skin. Licking I feel yournipples getting hard under my lips and tongue. I realize your leaningfarther forward and I take a knee. Your husband is kissing down yourspine as his hands guide you to bend at the waist. He kisses up theback of your thighs and begins to kiss your wetness. You braceyourself with your hands on my shoulders. Feeling your husbandstongue, you lean back farther, pushing back so he can kiss youthere. I kiss you deeply and you begin to feel a warmth takingover. I begin to run my finger tips down your body. As your hubbylicks from behind with his hands around your thighs pulling youback onto his face, my fingers gently find your wetness, I spread youand you feel your husbands broad fast licks. Your short of breath aswe continue to kiss. The waves of heat begin to wash over you. Hemoves his tongue faster. My other finger begins to barely touch yourcl_t. You're kissing a man, while another is licking you and nowthis a finger is finding your spot. Another wave breaks over you,you panting now, my mouth on your, my fingers and a tongue workingtogether all over you, your muscles tighent, your nails dig into myshoulders as you hold one. A huge wave of heat and pleasure startsto form and your entire body tighens, your knees buckle but we bothhold you steady, you're cumming you think you say, just as my mouthsettles on yours in a kiss, your entire body feels electric and thenperfect release. A bit shaken we all stand hugging and holding youone at a time for a few minutes each. As we hold you you feel ourhard c_cks still there for you and you alone. You want more.Comfortable on the soft carpet you kneel and look for a moment at twohard c_cks there for you. You kiss each one, then begin taking eachone into your mouth, one at a time, your hand pumping the other. Youtaste our precum and feel us shake and throb with pleasure. As yougo down on your hubby you feel me back away. Your hubby holds yourhead as you suck him for a few moments then reaches down and liftsyou into his arms. He's looking over your shoulder at me and beginsto bend you at the waist. He takes you in his arms and you rest yourhands on his shoulders wiggling your butt a little. He uses his footto the inside of yours, spreading your stance and slowly eases youback. You look down see my legs stretched off the edge of the couchand you realize he's going to lower you gently onto my lap. Helowers and you anticipate my warmth underneath you. He's moving soslowly then stops just as you feel me beneath you. As your hubbykisses you feel the head of my c_ck slip easily between your lips.Then you feel the head of my c_ck sliding up and down, spreading yoruwetness, then around. Wonderfully teasing you. You shake a bitalmost like a shiver then your hubby eases you down. He move soslowly my c_ck seems to enter you forever. You feel my hands on yourhips and you eagerly begin lifting and letting yourself down onto myc_ck. "Mmmm, hmmmphf, mmm" we both seem to move and breathtogether. You're hubby backs away, and watches you approvingly. Hereturns, stoops to kiss you but you reach for his hard c_ck and pullhim to you. I roll my hips under you, f-cking you deeply as youtaste your hubby. You feel naughty and loved at the same time, c_cksfill you completely, and this is just the start of the evening...Wework hard to ensure your constantly kissed, touched, filled andpleased!

09:09L 12 August 2004 - more thoughts on a threesome

In quite a state today. I seem to get horny for a week or so at a time. During these times I'm often hard several times during the day, jerking off a lot, maybe 6 or 7 times a day easily. At other times it seems to wane and I'm not quite as driven by my sex drive. After the release of an orgasm I'm much less interested in sex for several hours to a few days. I wonder if it's got somthing to due with biorythum or some other natural bio cycle. I've never been able to coorelate it to diet, exercise or any other external factor. I know that if I'm idle or bored, sex definately becomes the default thought.

I long while back I mentioned an opportunity with a woman here at work. It still seems she's up for playing. No action on my part to pursue it yet.

I long time ago I was online and chatting basically looking for sex. I was exploring the threesome thing I mentioned the other day and actually ended up talking to a husband about his wife. It was an interesting discussion, and basically ended up being pretty one sided, with him occassionally responding with somthing like "really? you'd do that? nice." Unfortunately I worked myself up pretty badly imagining playing with both of them and I pushed too hard to meet too soon. He wasn't comfortable and it never worked out. This is how I recall most of the conversation:

Both of us had been in a state chat room called "couples and threesomes". One of us posted a statement about being located in our city and looking. I don't remember which of us sent the first instant message but we basically started by confirming that we were nearby. I think we established the they had never had another guy join them but that they would be interested and would like the guy to take the lead. I began to describe a fantasy.

To hubby I say: After getting to know one another a bit over drinks we head back you your place. The three of us walk into your living room and stand for a moment. I take your wife's hand, lean in and give her a kiss. She turns to you almost to see if that was ok, to see your reaction and you kiss her, and she knows we're going to do this. We move closer together, each of us touching her gently, she turns between us, kissing each of us one at a time. It seems the two of you aren't sure what to do next and as much as I want to see her out of her clothes I imagine she might feel a bit vulnerable naked in front of both of us, so I'd gently suggest to her "why don't you start by taking his shirt off". She does this easily, you're so familiar with each other that as she takes your shirt off she kisses and touches you, your hands run over her body, it's that feeling of excitement that comes once you know, yes we're definately going to make love. I back away a bit to give the two of you some room. "keep going, let him out" I gently prompt as she finishes getting your shirt off and her hand has started rubbinig your hard c-ck thru your pants. She unzips your fly and I ask her "You love him don't you?" She says yes. "Show him" I say and she drops to her knees and starts to slowly take you into her mouth. I tell her she's beautiful and looks incredibly sexy with a hard c-ck in her mouth. She listening and continues to slowly bob up and down on your c-ck. "Do you enjoy giving him pleasure like that? I ask?" Without stopping her reply comes "mmmm hmmm" Hearing and feeling her voice on your c-ck feels very good. I tell her "I think your husband loves you very much too, he wants to give you pleasure as well, enough so that he's going let me help him. Are you excited about that?" With a wet pop your c-ck comes out of her mouth and she's a bit out of breath as she gasps "yes." I step a bit closer and her hand reaches out, rubbing my c-ck thru my pants as she licks then sucks your c-ck back into her mouth. She's having a hard time getting me unzipped while sucking you at the same time so I reach under her arm and prompt her to get up. She stands and I kiss her deeply, she then turns to you and kisses you her hand finding and continuing to stoke you. Unprompted she starts to take my shirt off as we kiss and touch. You sit on the couch in order to get your shoes off and get your pants, now crumpled around your ankles, off. When you look up she's got my shirt off, my pant's undone and open and my cock in her hand. I turn the two of us so you're sitting there watching us from the side. Your wife is kissing me deeply, she has one arm around my neck, the other hand is slowly stroking my cock. My hand is on her azz, my finger pushing her clothes into the crack of her azz, my other hand alternates between running up into her hair on the back of her neck, or sliding up her ribs, feeling her tit. This is like watching a porno with your wife as the star, and knowing your going to get to f_ck her as well. Sittiing there you begin to stroke your c-ck. She bends forward pushing my pants down and turns to look at you. You're smiling, and she loves seeing you slowly stroke as you watch her. You tell her she's beautiful and so hot. She turns to my hard c-ck which is now right in front of her. She takes me in her mouth and begins to slide up and down. She looks up at me as she sucks me and I tell her that the two of us are going to make her feel sooo good. I let her give me head for a little while, groaning and telling her how I love it, then ask her if she's ready to let us take care of her for a while. I help her up and with my pants around my ankles, take short steps and sit on the arm of the couch. I say, "why do you start to undress your gorgeous wife." To her I say "mmm I want you to relax and let us worry about everything" I'm rock hard from your wife's mouth. You get up and start by moving behind her, hugging her, kissing her then slow begin to undue her clothing from behind. Again the two of you are comfortable and familiar with each other so she's relaxed and secure as her clothing starts to come off. I finish getting dressed and join you. We work together, slowly removing her clothing. As each piece comes off we kiss her, gently touch her, let her hold on to one of us for balance and within a few she's completely naked, between to men each wanting her badly. Her hands find hard c_cks again. I kiss down her neck, down her collar bone and take one of her t-ts in my mouth. I pull her t-t into my mouth deeply, making it wet, let it slip from my mouth then blow on her wet skin. Licking her I feel her nipples getting hard under my lips and tongue. I realize she's leaning farther forward and I take a knee. She's gasping yes and I realize you've spread her legs and bent her forward at the waist, now licking her p_ssy from behind. She's bracing her self with her hands on my shoulders, slowly pushing her azz back farther, so you're able to put your tongue deeper in her. She arches her back and her and I kiss passionately, my hands now touching her breasts while she holds onto my shoulders. I begin to run my finger tips down her body. As you lick her from behind with your hands around her thighs pulling her back into your face, my fingers gently find her wetness, I spread her and you lick faster. My other finger begins to barely touch her cl_t. She's loving this attention and we continue for a while until her body shakes and she clenches with her first orgsm of the night. A bit shaken we all stand but she let's her self down and now alternates sucking each of our c-cks in turn. She takes you deep in her mouth, her hand stroking as she goes up and down a few times then turns and does the same to me. As she's working on you back away and sit on the couch. I sit right on the edge and lean back. I hold my cock straight up and down. You reach down, and lift your wife, turn her towards you and slowly back her towards the couch. You bend her towards you, looking down she sees my legs and holds on to your arms. You slowly let her down and back, as she slowly sits down. As my c-ck reaches her wet p_ssy you stop. Her arms are out straight holding on to you, your arms are around her, holding her, her legs are bent and she's about to slide down my c_ck onto my lap. Holding her there for a moment you two kiss and I brush the tip of my cock up and down her p_ssy. As your kiss breaks, she rolls he head around, eyes closed and you let her down onto me. "ohhhhh" she groans as he weight slides her all the way down to base of my c-ck. I'm deeply inside her. My hands find her hips and she and I begin to move together. You slowly back away and are able to see your wife, riding another c_ck, she runs her hands up into her own hair, eyes closed, loving it. She's leaned forward, her hands on my knees, bouncing her azz up and down, p-ssy along the length of my c_ck. After watching her for a minute or two you return to her, and she eagerly takes you in her mouth, she's filled at both ends and loving it. The evening continues with us taking turns f_cking your wife over and over. We work hard to ensure she's constantly kissed, touched, filled and pleased!

In my head - an unknown title by dead can dance from into the labrynth.

threesome?

I wonder how many of my readers have been in a threesome? As I go looking for trouble there's time where playing with a married couple has appealed to me. I'm completely straight, so much so that I don't feel the least bit threatened by another guy there. If they're married, there's much less lying and secrecy. Being married and involving a third almost always means they'd like to be discrete. And of course it's a way to spoil her...let her get carnal, which is very appealing to me.

in my head: rock the casbah, by the clash from what album I have no idea

12:40L 05 August 2004

Feeling good today. Survived some self destructive behaviour Monday and the ensuing aftermath Tuesday. No excuse, can't really chalk it up to anything but stupidity but now I'm looking forward to what should be a relaxing weekend. Ideas for the book keep coming it's hard to find time to get them captured.

Thanks for feedback to those of you who provided it.

I don't have long to explore any ideas here today but will make some kind of effort to get the frequency back up on the blogging.

Dances with wolves is one of my favorite movies and one of the only stimuli that has nearly prompted tears on my part as an adult. It was on last night which was a pleasant surprise.

Flew back home on the company airplane this morning.

Sorry for the randomness.

still nothing in my head.

09:27L 02 August 2004 - continuing saga

So Thursday at work came and went. I was a bit hungover, definately tired and pretty busy at work. For the most part I had started to get my mind wrapped around the revelation from the previous post. The conversation I had Wednesday night with my best friend was one of the strangest I've ever had. True to form I took a supportive position when he confessed feeling sick about the secrecy and way it worked out. I could of course sympathize having also pursued B secretly. It was as if our shared loyality as male friends superceded any relationship to her since we were now honest with each other and neither planned to tell her about this disclosure. She'd kept each of our secrets. She never admitted to him anything about her and I and of course never told me about him. Our conversation ended amicably. At one point on Thursday he popped in my office and we casually chatted. We both lamented the fact we had to do this fareware drinks thing later that evening. Just before leaving my offiice he asked "Do you think I should ask B if she'll sleep with me one last time before leaving?" I simply told him I didn't want to hear about it if so.

As the day wrapped up I headed out to bar and made an appearance. I had a few drinks, chimed into the conversation with a few comments that got laughs and I think I was sucessful at appearing completely myself with one exception. Both B and my best friend know I'm never one to be the first to leave. I made the excuse that my wife and I were headed out of town for the weekend and bolted a drink and half into the event. It was true that were going but we hadn't planned to leave until Friday morning. I told B "auf wiedersehen" (al veed Der zane) explaining that it meant until we meet again rather than goodbye. I told her I was happy for her and felt she would be happier close to home. She said timing was right for the change in a way that seemed like I was supposed to understand some deeper significance. She seemed to take it all very casually and confidently she said she'd see me again. I simply left without responding. As it turns out her birthday is tomorrow and she'll be in town for a few more weeks. I'm out of town on business and happy to miss the dinner and evening at the bar another mutual friend has planned for her.

I believe I'm pretty good at staying positive, making the best of a situation and I probably don't wear my heart on my sleeve much when in a public setting. I'd love to get her view of her of all this. I think my behavior never indicated much. She may have wondered why I wasn't around much and probably chalked it up to a promotion of mine at work. She might be surprised to see the effect this had/is having since I tried hard not to tip my cards. The only means of punishing them for my hurt was to deny them interaction with me. Ha - maybe that's what they always wanted.

Ah, yes I've slipped into "they" instead of "her". Over the weekend my "he man woman hater club" view of my interaction with my best friend evolved. My best friend "R" and I are usually completely honest with each other, that is within a few weeks. Often we have to be out drinking and talking a few weeks after to confess our darkest crimes of the previous month. Despite the latency that honesty was a huge aspect of our friendship. Finding about him and B had put a huge dent in how much I trust him. I suppose I lied to him as well, never telling him about my interaction with B but it was over, in the past and of limited scope. I've been real for the last two years. It feels like I have to re-assess who he is. These feelings really only began to come to mind as the weekend went on. Too many things that I might have chalked up to a personality querk of his now suddenly make sense in another context.

This weekend I didn't really see him except Sunday. He annoyed the crap out of me pretty much all day. I don't know how much of it was jealousy, his few habbits that have always got on my nerves or some degree of both. I don't think I want to trash my friendship with him too quickly. That said I've known for some time that he's generally a bad influence and in all likelihood my wife and I will be moving to another part of the state in the next 6 months, limiting our contact anyway. He has always been generous, someone I could confide in, and hilarious. I may just let the move happen and let geography take it's effect.

Well so where am I left? I was a good hubby this weekend. I sent out resumes and spent quite a bit of time with my wife. Like always it was good but entirely non-sexual. I'm in Columbus, OH till Thursday. I'm not sure, maybe I'll go looking for trouble.

Generally I recognize that any hurt I've felt in this whole mess is my own doing. If I had initially ignored B's advances I probably would have never had this angst over getting close enough to her to know how good we probably could have been and yet never taste it. If I hadn't got myself into a self-denial of her on the basis of a morality I can't seem to live up to anyways I probably could have had her. If I had ignored her advances and never built a mini history with her myself I probably wouldn't have been jealous if she did eventually find her way into R's arms, and he wouldn't have had a reason to keep it from me for so long. The 50/150 rule comes to mind.

In other news I did have a job interview on Friday that went really well. Unfortunately the competing candidate came from within a major customer to the hiring company. We'll see. At worst I think I would be on this companies short list for future openings based on the good interview experience.

I going to try to use all of this stuff for a book. I needed somthing to prompt my main character to step off into an abyss. He's going to break from society, no longer play by the rules, and I think that this situation might somthing I can spin into an impetus for such a change...


for the first time in a long time there's no song stuck in my head at present.