Sanity returns after an orgasm

It's startling how much of a change occurs after comming. If you dear reader are not aware, there are a few dirty pictures that one can pick up along the roadside of information superhighway. I have, on rare occasion, indulged in observing racy photographs presented in electronic format. I know, shocking! and I am not without remorse, but rather than discuss the obvious moral perils of such activites I would like to focus today on the physiological and perhaps phychotic effects of having baby batter on the brain.

I'm not sure I could write software code for a living. When I write here it doesn't seem to be as much of a factor but long sessions of internet porn hunting certainly does have an effect on my eyes and general health. I'm not sure why but perhaps it's the continual filtering that I do that fatigues me in an unsual way. I love to come. But I've also learned that I really really like being aroused and greater the length of arousal time and the greater the number of approaches to comming prior to actually comming the more intense the feeling upon eventual release. (Ladies take note)

Anyways this tends to add to the length of time I spend. When looking at porn online I'm often looking at free porn. Which means I may have to open a webpage only to scroll down past advertising or I'm looking a amateur submitted images where I'm viewing thumbnails, filtering for a subset of desirable images that I willing to wait for as they're being opened to their full size. This seems to be a unique activity - you're eyes probably don't change focal depth and often you're rapidly scanning over the page, which may be scrolling at the same time looking for a key word or image that indicates the most arousal for the time spent at dial up bandwidth. I scan for sultry brunettes, or the signs of a woman enjoying what's happening like a smile, heels, or words like slut wife, neighbor, etc... Recognition of what's hot (to me) is instanteous and the mouse is quickly manipulated to enlarge the image or respond to the chatter but then I'm waiting again, probably without looking away from the screen. Another scan example is searching yahoo profiles or member directory information. The search feature is too broad so once I have women in my state, 35-50 who are married and looking and online, I'm rapidly looking at the location which appears under their name in the list. I'm skimming fast, watching for suburbs as well as my own city's name. As chats develop or naughty pictures are displayed I'm often self stimulating. I become an addict. I'm after the huge orgasm, and I'm finding arousing material so self denial becomes the game. I'm hard, feeling good, getting closer but looking for that ever so ellusive image or idea that will maximize the orgasm. Rationally I know that the really hot idea or image currently infront of me is sufficent to get me off and may be the best I can do today, but the promise of somthing better often looms and a few more minutes of being turned on only helps so I press on.

I've looked at porn and jerked off in sessions as long as 10 hours before. Usually drawing out orgasm for a few hours then comming hard is it. However if I'm not overly tired, continuing happens easily. The images or ideas don't go away right after comming, so as I return to reality I'm reminded of the hot fantasy just held in mind then, more importantly, the prospect of an even hotter experience waiting just around the internet's next dirty corner pops into mind and I'm looking again, scanning, anticipating. Staying hard after a small or moderate orgsm is not unusual. A long jerk off session could include 5 orgasms spread over 8 hours - often with a shower start to the day and a private moment or two in my office also having previously taken place.

After every orgasm a degree of sanity returns. The contrast between pre orgasm maddnes and post orgasm clarity varies. A super long drawn out orgsm coordinated with a particulary hot image, or exhange with a chat friend provides the biggest difference. A shorter time to orgsm with no time for or intention to continue provides a moderate to large difference. Times where I'm on a roll, and feel free to spend time for as long as it's pleasuable actually offer a much smaller return to sanity and the entire session actually becomes a slow decreshendo where eventually simply don't have the level of desire for sex necessary to invest the effort (of course by that time I may have come 6 or 8 times).

At times, particularly after a huge orgasm which was long anticipated I found the difference in mindset disturbing. Only a moment before I focused to the point of obsession - I had no other biological functions - no hunger, sensitivity to temperature, fatigue etc. Now logic and a million activities other than sex fill my mind and the value of time is such that spending a long time wacking off doesn't sound as attractive as other hobbies. I think I 've always had some suceptibility to addiction and wonder how close this is to the difference a drug user feels before and after getting a hit. While I always try to consider my partners a chat friend who I may have just had cyber sex with and my interaction with them manifest this difference. To get some I'll be sensative and giving in extreme, adapt my communication style, fein interest and even get smart about a topic in order to appear attractive. Sometimes these actions are manipulative and machavellian, but often they're happily done with the fact they're conditional on the pursuit of sex buried and only unconsciously known. After comming the idea of kissing someone's ass that much seems hard to fathom and if it was a very one sided exchange were I gave and they took without much mutual concern a definate coldness rolls over me. I try to take the high road and remain courteous.

I never used to believe in "blue balls". I figured it was just one more way that guys used to get sex. I don't know if there's anything to it physiologically but I do know that if I'm interrupted while working my way to orgsm I have a real tough time not being iritable and real anger is right below the surface. Typically I'm a very patient guy, willing to put down what I'm doing with a natural tendancy to please.

Real sex seems to be different. After a long internet session I feel lousy. I'm off to bed and it's late at night if I've been at it for a while. Particularly after a long session my eyes burn, my head feels like it's filled with cobwebs and I'm generally hot but not sweating - head radiating from my body. I may feel tired, like I have huge bags under my eyes and realize my mouth is dry. Somtimes my balls or whatever the male equivalent of PC muscles are feel sore or stretched. These feelings, as fun as they may be to read, aren't particularly pleasant. This is very different from sex. In that case I may be tired, but often bask in a pleasant relaxed feeling. I don't know if it's related to the computer or the lack of connection related to self pleasure. I have had some immediate sanity or remorse after meaningless sex but because I do tend to work hard for my partner and seek out others also sincerely seeking mutual pleasure this seems to be much less often.

out of time....thoughts are always welcome.