10:38L 19 August 2004 - Mixed signals, poor kitten

Feeling a bit randy the other day I smiled at a woman parked in a lexus SUV a few spots over, also waiting for Outback steakhouse carry out. She smiled back and our eyes met several times. If you're unfamiliar, Outback has parking spots where you can sit and wait for an order you previously called in. When the waitress gave me my food I gave here a copy of my cell number and asked her to pass it along to the woman in the lexus along with a complement saying I thought she was gorgeous. She was very attractive a brunette with pouty lips, very tan and while I could only see her from the shoulders up, her neck and arms indicated she kept in shape. A day or so later she called me and we talked a few times. She was 46, divorced for 10 years, hadn't dated in 5years, daughter was off to college, son had a few more years of high school but would soon be away and will spend time with his Dad... She invited me over to see her and mentioned her hot tub.

So I'm sensative and listen to her as we chat a number of times. She's comfortable and confides. It's clear to me that her life has been poured into her childeren after being hurt badly five years ago. She's not sure how to live as a single person alone. I think this may be to my advantage. She's probably got that sexual drive of an olderwoman that just needs to be tapped. The afternoon before we're to meet for the first time her story about getting the pet store in chicago to take back the dog her daughter bought a day prior gives me a few indicators that this may not be quite perfect.I'm out entertaining customers for the evening (or so the story goes) and she suggests I stop by her place later. We've never met before. I call her, planning to head over. Our plans had fallen thru once before and she teased that I missed a great little dress and heels the night before. I mention my weakness for heels and she's on board with putting them back on for me tonight. To me, I'm heading over to a woman's house to meet her for the first time, after dark, she's going to sex it up for me and I know the hot tub is not off limits.

When I arrive we hug and I ask to steal a kiss. It's tongue right away. Her body is very very nice. Small waist, ample ass but nice shape, and the dress isn't telling me everything but I'm thinking nice tits. She opens the wine she asked me to bring, we take our place on the couch and chat while Miles Davis plays jazz ballads behind us. We chat a bit both a bit nervous but I think we're both please with what we see. I'm probably pretty haggard after the long day and the cloak and dagger necessary to get out of the house.

Doing somthing seems to be important to her so when she lists the tub as an option I'm so very in. Now I'm thinking, first time meeting and I'm going to see her in a bathing suit. She gives me the tour of her home and and the kids role in her life is again so very large--which is cool to me, I'm sure she was such a great mom but she's really never spoiled her self and she may not have much of a self identity as a woman, just as a mom.

Out to the tub, off comes the cover. Hedges surround the yard, she mentions she lays out naked all the time. I ask if I can steal another kiss. Yes you may she says and we kiss a bit more. She asks if I need a suit and tells me she's going in in her underwear. I'm hard. I ask if I can help and I slip her dress to the floor. flat tummy, big tits in a push up bra, french cut panties, on a nicely shapped big ass thats straddling the edge of the tub as I climb in. I tell her I'd be fool to bother with a suit and I'm naked in a second and follow her in. I honestly think she probably imagined we'd sit and chat but I slowly approach her and begin kissing her. She's a good kisser and I touch her legs back, neck, move her around in the water and ask her what relaxes her. She tells me she likes having her hair played with but it's up and tangles and running my fingers thru her hair is akward at best. We kiss more, roll around a bit and she seems genuinely aroused at times but I'm purposely slow in order to respect her limits and she does begin to interrupt kissing with statements like "I'm a nervous wreck...I haven't done this is such a long time...I don't know how to do this...No one has ever spoiled me before..etc." I back off, not wanting her anything but comfortable and we sit up out of the water and chat. Her question is a bit pointed - how can you be so affectionate with me when we have just met. I try to explain that I love cuddling, kissing and touching and if we had done just that all night I would love it and be largely satisfied provided she felt special. Again she doesn't know how to feel special. About this time the interior light comes on in her garage. I ask - that's not someone pulling it is it? Rather casually she says yes it is. I am no longer hard. Evidently her neighbor is borrowing her garage . The possibility of him walking out to say hi drives us into the house and into robes. We hide in the bedroom and kids or some very non-sexual thing comes up again. She's in her robe and I in mine and I spoon up next to her. It's clear I'm not getting laid. Fine - she's gorgeous to me, still seems to have potential to be a wildcat -she's certainly uninhibited if we can just get her to enjoy things and relax I might be eating like a king - so to speak. I can't stay too long so I volunteer to close the tub up, get dressed, bring in her dress and our wine. We talk a few minutes more, she's hot lying there in her robe and I tell her so. We talk a bit more and I tell her I can't stay the night. My one step at a time talk prompts her to tell me that she used to wait 3 months, and get a blood test before sleeping with someone. Somehow despite just being naked in the hot tub with her I'm not surprised. I go to get dressed and close the tub. As I'm doing this her phone rings. Later I find out it's her gay nephew. It sounds a bit like they each vie for an opportunity to explain their drama. Shes in the kitchen. I hear sobs, daughter is her soulmate... The call goes on for several minutes. Ok I've looked at all the paintings in the room. Need to be getting home...

We return to the bedroom and she lies down. I come to her and sincerely listen about how hard this transition is for her. She cries a little. I feel badly for her and do sympathize. She tells me what I suspect, no real sense of self as an unattached woman. She asks why her husband never touched her and why the guy that hurt her slept with her a day before marrying another woman. I encourage her to lean on her strengths as a business woman. I tell her she's got to take this one step at a time. I kiss her tenderly, kiss away her tears. We kiss a few times and it seems she gets into it a bit. I tell her one step at a time. We talk a bit more, I help her install a battery in her new telephone and tell her I have to go. I leave her asking her to think about what she liked tonight, what she didn't apologize for being less than a gentleman if I had different expectations and tell her I'd like to see her again.

I know she doesn't really want me to go and I think I could be a real friend to her, but fear that being the nice guy we all can be especially for a while would only set her up to be hurt badly. I don't want to take advantage as much as keeping my hands off her body which is soo very much my taste will be hard. We kiss good night and I bolt.

Was I wacked to think I was going to get laid?
Poor kitty. She needs a real, true girlfriend, a guy who's very patient and maybe someone who's intersted in settling down.

Thoughts are always welcome