Saturday, May 29, 2004

15:38L 29 May 2004

Woke up this morning and felt like my brain was par-boiled. Yesterday afternoon at work it felt like I had a fever coming on and last night was an irregular collection of nodding off and waking up rather than an evening of sleep. The little itch that showed up thursday has turned into a full blown cough which is accompanied by a momentary splitting headache. I don't want to belly ache but do feel I need to partly justify no entry yesterday.

No special plans for the long weekend. Might head to a carshow tomorrow, first of the season.

currently running thru my head: fuzzy freaky by David Byrne, from Feelings

Thursday, May 27, 2004

07:40L 27 May 2004

This week has been a long one already. The wife was out of town last weekend which meant a long night of drinking with my best friend Friday. This of course evolves into a sleep-in-late-Saturday, resulting in an up-late-Saturday night (reflective and quasi-depressed), a clean-up-the-house, snap-out-of-it take-the-dog-to-the-pier for a walk Sunday that ends in bed watching TV or reading way too late to be chipper on Monday. Having made peace with my mortality a long time ago I don't mind getting older and like the wisdom that comes with time, but I do think that the way that the days string together and effect one another is an indication that I am less able to instantly recover. All this said over about the last two weeks the soreness from push ups has started to drop off. I'm glad that exercise is starting to work it's way back into the routine. I had been putting off working out pending the new job, move, start of summer but think that at 31 I'm starting to get to a point where continuous maintaining will probably be necessary, since recovering from a given period of atrophy will only become harder over time.

My dissatisfaction with work also has been a huge factor on the perceived length of a week. I think my reaction to my job can be characterized in two ways: 1. Once you make the mental transition to leaving, it's very hard to remain motivated. 2. The time pressure and visibility on my work is not constant and the huge contrast between high intensity and low intensity makes it very hard to pick up the low visibility, minor tasks during the low tide... Right now following last weeks visit by our corporate masters and the meetings with the lawyers, I have this anti-climatic feeling.

Song currently stuck in my head: I'm Running by Yes from Big Generator

Re-reading this, it sounds a bit more dour than I feel, but I'll leave it since that's how it spilled out and there are hints of some themes like "lost weekends" and "what the hell I want to do when I grow up" that will probably be visited often in this journal.

Oh, should anyone stumble upon this whole thing, comments are welcome and my email is on my profile.


Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Coming Soon...

Ideas for future posts:

Music selections for MP3 playlists - aka my movie sound track ideas
Fantasy: sub gets shared
Analysis of watching women in an airport
Development of a elements to be in every regular entry - i.e. song currently stuck in head
Excerpts from previous attempts at writing
Stories from my experience working as a corporate pilot
Fiction: Why I limp in the future: the boat story
Fantasy: Co-worker


Fantasy: Sex with a stranger

We've talked online for a few weeks and both of us have been sincere throughout. We've talked about fantasies, what we each enjoy and realize that we both know that the best sex takes place when we each try to outplease the other, taking pleasure in seeing hearing and feeling the other respond to our touch, kiss... We've exchanged descriptions and been honest about physical faults but neither of us has seen a picture of the other. Given our feeling of connection and having built a level of comfort with one another we decide to meet. Wanting to make you feel secure and for just plain common sense safety reasons we decide to meet during daylight in a public place. We have both shared fantasies about sex with an anonymous stranger but we also are getting to a point where we feel we know each other. The thought of a totally carnal encounter with someone who's name you don't know and who you've hardly spoken to has a naughty erotic appeal but we've both already established that we'd prefer an ongoing, continuous sexual relationship.

I have some meetings in the morning but can get away this afternoon. You're also able to meet me and we stuggle a bit to figure out where. Since it's public and in a convenient location we settle on the mall. Not the hottest location but we're both eager to just look into each other's eyes in person.

You arrive before me and window shop in front of the store where we've agreed to meet. You're nervous but excited. When I get there I see you from behind and recognize it's you based on what you told me you'd be wearing. I immediately love what I see. I appreciate the fact you've taken the time to look nice for me. To me you already exude a natural sexuality. You're in heels, a skirt and a nice blouse. You could pass for a sucessful business woman shopping away some office woes. Comming from my meetings earlier in the day, I'm in a black suit with a white shirt and red retro tie on. I step up behind you and you see a man approaching in the reflection in the store window. A small surge of nervousness, anticipation and thrill washes over you as you look me up and down in the glass. I step up next you you and slip my arm around your waist. You turn towards me and say "Hi" I reply "Hi there" with a big grinn then bend down and kiss you quickly and gently but firmly. To others we look like an average couple who are catching up after heading to different stores for a few. You start to say more but I put a finger you your lips and shake my head. You realize that you are not to say another word. You're not sure if I get exclusive rights to speaking and you have to stay mute or what but you're a good sport and decide to go along for now. Without saying anything I gesture and we start to walk through the mall.

As we walk with my arm around you, you begin to relax and feel at ease next to me. It's beginning to sink in that this person who has turned you on online is now really there with you. We're both pleased with what we see and that internet attraction is now a physical attraction as well. As we walk we pass a mattress store, without speaking I get your attention, point my chin at the bed and raise my eyebrows. My intention is clear..you bite your lower lip and nod you're thinking the same thing. It's also clear now that neither of us is going to speak. As we walk a game develops, we take turns finding things with sexual connotations or innuendos and point them out to one another. You gesture towards a very phallic sculpture in the middle of the mall and lick your lips, I point out a glass flower in a collectibles store and my finger gently touches it's opening...

We're kissing occasionially but not so much as to draw attention. It's becoming clear we're both arroused to one another though. You're flushed and just slightly unsteady in your heels, my arm is around you and my hand is warm on the small of your back. You "accidently" brush your hand across the front of my pants as you raise it to point something out...it's immediately clear how hard I'm becoming from being this close to you.

We enter a bookstore. The shelves only come up to about chest height so at any time we can see others in the store but only from about the shoulders up. I follow you down an alise and look up and down the length of the alise. No one is in this alise. I get close enough to slide my hand gently down the small of your back, on to your ass, around the outside of your thigh and up the front of you leg, up your hip and then away...You turn back a bit surprised at me and realize no one could see it...it's clear you feel unfairly teased and want to get back at me, but I step back out of reach and you make a kind of frustrated sound, but stop yourself from speaking. You give me a look that clearly says I'm going to get it. I'm grinning knowing it's true. Standing a few feet apart you can see I'm hard and it's starting to show plainly through my pants. You turn way and walk slowly looking back beckoning me to follow, knowing I'm looking you up and down as I follow you. You're heels have your calves and ass lifted emphasizing the curves of your legs. You have a tasteful skirt on, and the small slit in it just teases of what's underneath. You know that I think you're beautiful and I am completely turned on by the not just this body but also the mind that runs it. Even though you know you're turning me on as much as I am you, you have to retalliate for my touch.

You deliberately lead me into a section. I'm oblivios of where, lost completely in the sight of you and memories of hot online talks. You pull a book off the shelf and and turn so I have to walk right up to you to look over your shoulder at what you have...I realize we're in the phychology/self help section and you've found probably one of the only "dirty" books in the store. It's a guide for better lovemaking and you're pointing out photographs of positions and acts you consider your favorite. I have to close my eyes and catch my breath..you've upped the level of teasing significantly as you turn to show me a picture and at the same time rub my cock through my pants...

I take the book from you and taking your hand lead you out of the store. We're both intending to leave. We're both wet and hard and ready to go play. We walk quickly now, still close, touching stealing kisses. No one notices but if someone paid close attention they would know how hot we are. This section of the mall is crowded and I guide you ahead of me single file to let others pass us the opposite direction. The crowd jams up ahead of us and you suddenly stop. To others it looks like I wasn't paying attention and walk into you, but you've actually had time to take my hand and wrap it around you from behind, you feet are apart and you arch your back as you feel my hard against your ass through our clothes. We both turn and realize we're standing in front of Victoria's Secret. You immediately get a wicked look in your eye and lead me into the store. We work our way around the store point out what we like and think would be fun to put on and of course later take off of you. You lead me to a particular manequin that has a garter and stockings and very sexy lingerie on. You catch my eye then slowly look the mannequin up and down. Without losing my attention you then look down at your own body...slowly looking up telling me without saying anything what you have on underneath... My mouth falls open and I can feel my heartbeat in my cock I'm so turned on by you.

I now lead you quickly out of the store. We stumble into a hallway off the mall. It leads to restrooms or an office, we know we don't have complete privacy but we really don't care. I hold your head in my hands and begin to kiss you. First with some restraignt, then slowly deeper and more intensely. You take my hands and put them on your body, we come together and now are touching and kissing. Our hands are moving freely all over one another, our bodies grinding, both of us so ready. I put your hands above your head, drop for moment to kiss down your neck, across your collar bone and take one of your tits into my mouth through your clothes. I stand back up and turn you, your palms pressed against the cool wall and you roll your body against the wall, arching your back and turning to me to kiss. I drop my hands from yours, and you spread your feet, My hands are lifting your skirt as you drop one of your hands to find my hard c@ck already out of my fly. I lean forward and kiss your neck, kiss up behind your ears and you guide my c@ck into you. Returning your hands to the wall above your head, I slowly continue to enter you...I push in part way then pull back only push in a bit deeper...I can't hold back as you tell me to f-ck you and I begin to pump deeply in and out as my hands run up and down your body from your knees to you breasts, my fingers finding your mouth and then finding your c1it. We f-ck hard for a few minutes then I pull out and slowly enter you again. This time I deliberately move slowly into you. I keep sliding into your wettness but so very slowly...You can feel me inside you and you can't tell how far or how much longer until I'm completely inside of you..I am still slowly slipping into you..kissing you, kissing behind your ears and my finger has found your c1it. I'm quickly circling and touching your c1it as my c@ck slowly fills your pussy. You feel our entire bodies drawing togther, you're pushing back wanting my cock inside you and I'm working your c1it very fast now..you realize you're feet are actually comming off the ground as you're entire body is lifted my c@ck deep inside you, your ass pressed against my hips, my finger on you, your toungue against mine...


one of the blogs that inspired me to start

http://insidegfd2004.blogspot.com/

second goal

Ah yes, failed to note my second goal during my intro post. My second goal is to find and ultimately meet a woman who shares some of my thoughts and ideas.

I was reading another blog, "woman under construction" and I have to give her credit for being a significant inspiration for this undertaking. I may post some reactions/responses to her blog in the future. She seems quite intriguing to me.

At this point I am unsure how much to share about any more of my motives and intentions. A few basics about me seem appropriate to share. I'm a 31 year old, educated professional in the midwest. I am married. I don't have childern. I'm passionate about music, sex, my dog, conversation, enthusiastic about nightlife, culture, learning, anything on/in the water, and tolerant of my current career, house and ratio of adventures to obligations in my life.

Test and Start...

I'm curious if I'll get more readers with lurid subject matter... I have a two fold purpose in starting this blog. I have a hunch that personal blogs are often started as a means for someone to honestly express things that they would not be comfortable doing in a forum less anonymous. They want to say these things but there's no way they'll say them to people or the right people. Does this become like talking to your dog? My first goal is to learn if a blog of personal rants tends to make it easier to rationalize and allow oneself to engage in self-indulgent conversations justifying faults or if by posting these thoughts in an anonymous and very honest manner are others who might read this prompted to reply in a cooresponding honest and genuine manner, making for a better than in person human interaction? Ultimately it seems we seek another who "relates".